Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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