HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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