What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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