you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
