when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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