Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
