Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
