omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
