hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
