And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
