Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
