and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
