My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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