I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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