Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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