Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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