Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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