you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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