OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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