There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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