apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
