Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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