I hope mine doesn't look like that
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
