I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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