Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
