i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I have aggressive nipples.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
