I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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