2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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