The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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