I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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