Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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