You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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