I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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