you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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