I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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