I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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