I will die if light touches me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Randomize
