I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
