At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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