If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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