she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
