Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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