Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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