Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
