Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
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he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
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I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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