Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
