Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
