i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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