It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
