i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
