i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
this boner is exhausting
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
