I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
