Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
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