So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
