You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
