so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We have started to decorate penises.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
did you just send me my own nude
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
