If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
