Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
