My room smells like vodka and shame
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
