There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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