I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
