Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
