I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
