If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize