He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
