You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
