Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
