I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
