I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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