My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
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i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
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When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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