I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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