who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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