Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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