Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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