Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
