New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
