is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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