Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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