I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
