Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
