My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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