Only a mothe r could love this liver
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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