I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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